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Thoughts
I
hate ALL Gay People
March
5, 2007
I recently heard of a retired gay NBA player who came out as gay. The guys name was John Amaechi and he came across as a very intelligent man who was hurt by the statement of a fellow NBA star by the name of Tim Hardaway. In the statement Mr. Hardaway said "I hate all gay people, I don't think Gay people should be allowed in this country, I don't think gay people should be allowed on this planet. And then admitted to being a Homophobic. In part of his statement he made the comment that he didn't like being checked out in the locker room by a gay man. How is this any different than the looks that he and millions of other men give women? It isn't/ Its just that men are not used to being the one being looked at in a sexual way or the thought of them being undressed in the mind of a gay person. The same would hold true for a transgendered person. Their space has been violated, just like they have violated women for hundreds of year. It's now that the show is on the other foot, it's a different story. It is perfectly OK for men to be sexually attracted, turned on and stimulated by the opposite sex, but when the time comes for them to be the one that is the sexual attraction, turned on and stimulation by someone they deem unworthy of their attraction, it is wrong.
I had a chat with a friend of mine recently who is a straight male. When we got on the subject of why their is hate against the GLBT community, the point was brought up to him that it was my belief that the reason most males have an issues with anyone in the GLBT community, is because they feel that now they are the one that is being the object of someone else's fantasy, and in many cases they may be right. They are being looked at now as someone that the same sex or someone in transition finds attractive both physically and mentally.
To me, thinking of this brings about a certain part of egomania. Someone has it in their head that the person who is GLBT is totally attracted to them, but in reality, the GLBT person has no thought what so ever of the person who believes that the GLBT person is secretly attracted to them.
We all want to be wanted, and desired and many people are. Most are famous like Johnny Depp, or Orlando Bloom, or Keira Knightly and in many cases we are attracted to them, but only their looks. Looks can be superficial, and the person in reality is a ugly person if you look at their internal self. Think of reality shoes like "Joe Millionaire, or the Bachelor, you cannot help but think that many of the people who are on these shoes, are in reality not that great of a person. You have to ask yourself, "Why are they 30 and single"? Why have they never had a girlfriend, or gotten married? Granted, they may never have met the right person, but then again, made they were never the right person to someone else because of who they really were.
So when we get back to the GLBT person who is sitting in a bar and they are looking around, and some fool just so happens to pass them a glance, they now feel that this person was staring at them, and desiring them. This person then gets it into their head that they are desired by this person and once they find out that the person is either Gay, or Lesbian or Transgendered, their ego is shattered and broken. Damaged to think that they were the desire of someone that they feel is a "freak" or undesirable.
When you get down to it, it's pretty complicated. But ask yourself this question, "If I knew someone of the same gender, or someone who is now the opposite gender or becoming the opposite gender were attracted to me, how would you feel/ Flattered, disgusted, revolted? How would you really feel? For a male, it usually leads to disgusted and revolted. How can I be attracted to someone who was the same gender as I was now or at one time. Think about it, give it thought, and talk about it with friends, see what you have to think. I know the male I talked to once he thought about it, agreed with me.
So why does Tim Hardaway "Hate all gay people"? Because his belief is that a gay person is sizing him up and having a fantasy about him, even thought he isn't, yet it is OK for him to have a fantasy say over Carmen Electra. And then maybe it's because he is just jealous that the gay person in the locker room with him, has bigger equipment and there is a huge since of jealousy and maybe even desire to be with the gay person. It is true that someone who has an issue with GLBT people and their sexuality, have an issue with their own person sexuality, and maybe they like many of us, are trying to deny it and hide it away. Many gay men that I know at one point in their life of denial, were one of those guys on the street corner yelling "I hate all gay people. Kill them all"! I was even one of those people at one point in my life and even had issues with gay guys. I had an issue with them, because I feared that they would come on to me, and now I would have to deal with it. Looking back, it was all to help cover and deny who I was inside.
The following is a piece from my myspace BLOG. I just thought I would post it here to as it's a thought that I have. It's a different take from my others as they are geared towards transitioning, and this one is geared towards politics and the world in conflict that we now live in. I hope you enjoy
Breeding
Hate
Aug
1, 2006
It
seems to me and I may be wrong but isn't the
The
If
the
Breeding
Hate
Lyrics by D Wade
Invade your country
Control your masses
Over taking all who are weak
To make a puppet state
Martyrdom to those who fight
Filled with dissention and hate
Psychotic leaders the belief
Have to be stopped
And we are the ones
Bomb the citizens until they run
Bloodied streets filled with death
Forcing them to take up guns
Breeding Hate
Breeding Lies
Breeding Death
For freedom sake
Destroy the cities
Build them up again
Carnage ruling over all
They'll hide in the streets
They will not run
Until their fight is complete
Completely overtake them
Until they have to fight
De-fang the coward gorillas
Killing innocent people is a must
Because they are a part
No one safe from our deadly thrust
Breeding Hate
Breeding Lies
Breeding Death
For freedom sake
Femaleness:
What does it mean to me
May
24th, 2006
While
writing my BLOG, I have found something that interests me… and that is my
femaleness and what it means to me. I had never thought about this until
recently when someone I care about dropped me an email saying that by reading my
BLOG that she started to wonder about this very thing and what it meant to her.
So I decided to also think about it and put it down in writing, what it means to
me. First I want to say that living life as a male was a walk in
As
I have mentioned in my BLOG,
I wonder if GG’s (Genetic Girls) worry about their appearance, whether it is
how they dress or their make-up, or even their body shape. Being a transsexual
woman I struggle with all of these. When I dress I like to dress youthful yet
comfortable. Since my breasts are small, I wear breast forms to give me more
shape. I worry that they show but feel I need them right now until mine get to a
point that forms just won’t work or I decided to have augmentation to make
them what I want. The next thing on the shape is not having hips and never going
to, but then again many women don’t have hips, then there is the butt. Having
a nice shapely Badonkadonic (butt) would also be nice and once the hormones do
their job, hopefully I will have one that’s not 5 miles wide. Then the apple
shape of a male (beer gut) which I have lost a lot of since dieting but want and
need to lose more) Hands and feet I can do nothing about I am stuck with them
until I die and having longer nails makes them look both slimmer, longer and
more feminine. How my face looks is a hug part with appearance, probably more
than anything else I have mentioned on appearance. When I sent Dr Zakowski
pictures to get a consultation of FFS (Facial Feminization Surgery) I thought I
looked like total hell as I had no make-up on or wigs as my hair was still short
as far as I was concerned and looked very male. When he met me, he told me that
my pictures did not do me justice, which felt great and I had to agree. The
maleness in my face is not so strong that it would take major rebuilding and
design of my face to look more like a female. The face is the part that gets
transsexuals read faster than anything. Your voice can be mediocre and if your
face looks like a females then people over look it. But for me I fear FFS is a
long way off :o( which bums me out, so I live with what I have at this point and
time. Since my face is still some what male, I need to be able to do a good job
on make-up, lucky for me I picked that skill up easily. Hair style also helps
and I have gotten my hair to a point that it looks feminine but I want to get it
longer… a lot longer. I think the way you dress also expresses the female in
me. As I said above I dress youthful and sassy as a friend said. Being able to
dress in a fashionable way makes me feel better about myself. I think if all I
had to choose from were obese women’s clothing, I would never have taken this
path. Some of my cloths my mom calls hutchie momma cloths. The reason is they
are halter tops. Even though my shoulders are broader I think I could easily
pass for a woman who did weight lifting in her day or even body building with
out all of the extra muscle added on.
The
next thing I want to address in my femaleness is expression, which also can be
in clothing and make-up but I am talking about vocal, emotion and movement
expression. As a male giving a hug was something you did to your spouse, kids,
mother, grandmother, aunts, sister, etc… You almost never gave a male a huge,
you always shock their hands almost no matter what. Some males feel very
stand-offish when hugged by a male. In my family, guys never hug another guy but
always hug the women. Guys will gladly hug a female but hardly ever another
male. As a female giving hugs is something you just feel like doing, to show
appreciation, care, compassion, love, friendship, welcoming, understanding,
acceptance, etc… Talking to a friend about this she, realized that it was
true. Don’t get me wrong, women shake hands too but it’s more for business
or very casual acquaintances, and with the casual acquaintance, it usually
evolves into a hug down the road. The next part of this equation is verbal
emotion. Telling your girlfriend’s, sisters, mothers, work mates even the
casual acquaintance that they look nice is common and feels good and makes them
feel good. Admiring their cloths, shoes, make-up, hair style is also widely
accepted. A male will never go up to a buddy or a friend and say “Hey Joe,
Those slacks look fantastic on you”, or “Hey you got a new hair cut, it
looks bomb (cool) on you”! Yes they will come up and say “Hey nice shoes
were did you get them”! or even say “Cool shirt were did you get it so I can
get one”? for a guy to compliment another guy is a strange thing and you
almost wonder if they are not “gay” if they do. Guys keep that emotion
inside. As a male I would NEVER have gone up to a female co-worker and tell her
she looked great and that I loved her outfit. Someone would have read me a long
time ago if I had or I would have been charge with harassment possibly. After I
came out I did it all the time, and still do. I also have girlfriends and
acquaintances tell me this all the time on how they like how I am dressed or how
they love my top. Most of the time they will say, “I love that skirt, it looks
good on you”! or “I love your jacket, its so cute”! And once in a while
they do ask were I found it as they would love to have been looking for the same
style themselves. Women also tend to be more descriptive in how they express
themselves. “Wow I just love your hair, that style on you takes 10 years off
of your face and it looks so much fuller than before, and the way it frames your
face it really brings out your eyes and skin tone”! Males it would be “Nice
hair cut man”!, nothing more nothing less. To me it feels wonderful to express
how you feel and how you think someone looks. On the same note women will tell
you when they think that two pieces don’t go together or make you look bad,
its all a part of honesty. Oh sure once in a while a women will tell you that to
make you feel bad as you might be making her look bad and she just wants to be
catty about it. When guys notice something on wives, its kind of a must do thing
in the relationship. Rarely is just because they feel like it. If a male went up
to another female and told her how good she looked in a skirt or blouse, he is
coming onto her and not doing it because he is making her feel good. And if he
does it next to his girlfriend or spouse, he is in for a war if he didn’t tell
his girlfriend/spouse something even better than he told the other female, and
even then he may get a dirty look from the female he is with, as she takes it he
is flirting with the other female. Its more acceptable for a female to tell a
guy he looks nice without getting the bad feelings or looks, but not always the
case. Females also notice the little things like make-up or finger nails, A guy
has to have it almost slapping him in the face to notice and then say something
about. Emotion is another way of expressing your femaleness. For a guy to cry
and show tears, he is usually thought of as weak, and a sissy, Guys are not
supposed to be able to cry at a movie. Its OK to cry for a short time if you are
sad from a loss, but to shed a tear because of pain? That’s really showing
your weakness. I actually used to cry when watching a movie or a program that
touched me. I would always try to hide it from anyone around as I did not want
them to know that I was touched or weak. As a female its 100% acceptable to cry
at the drop of a hat, In fact it shows others we are vulnerable and hurting or
feeling for the situation either in happiness or sorrow. Women can cry when ever
and it seems that others will then comfort them. Crying in happiness and sorrow
actually feels good. Even I, who has been riding this major roller coaster
don’t mind crying. It lets me know how I am feeling inside and out and I
usually feel better after I have my cry.
So, Femaleness: What does it mean to me? It means that I can be open and honest
with every one. It means I can tell people how I really feel with out being
thought of as weak. It means showing others how I feel about a situation or
subject. It means freedom to express myself in a fashion that suits me best. It
means not being restrained by the standards of what others think and feel, It
means being who I am inside as well as outside and expressing that in the way
that feels best at the time or need of expression. It means being an individual
who can communicate in more than grunts and yes and no’s and maybes.
It means communication on every level that there is. It means showing love,
compassion, friendship and learning while doing it. It means having feelings and
letting them out in every means available. This is what femaleness means to me.
Environmental
changes
May 19th
What
as humans have we done to either screw this planet we live on, or advance
evolution faster than God and Mother Nature meant to? Is it nature, or is it
nurture, or is it a combo of everything mixed together to make one huge “Pound
Cake”. People in general do NOT want to believe that being GLBT is something
we were born with and not a choice in life. So how does this all deal with the
environment you ask? Well working in the United States Geological Survey Biology
center I have learned a lot from the scientists I work with and have access to
documents and sites that most would not have access to or not know about. There
are places that everyone can access with this information and I will provide
links that should work latter in the article. So were do I start with all of
this, I guess with those I work directly with who have been in on these studies.
In this world there are creatures both plant and animal and insect that are both
sex’s when the need arises, but there are now species of fish and frogs that
were never this way at all and just recently it has been discovered that these
species of fish and frogs are now both genders. How is this and how has it been
the cause of humankind? Its simple chemicals dumped into the water system either
from factories, from chemical spraying to destroy insects or plants or from
sewage. Some of those chemicals are estragon hormones. We pump them into our
bodies, female and transsexual and then we dispose of the extra through human
waste. That human waste is then put into sewage plants were it is then cleaned
and disposed of back into water supplies or the earth. The cleaning or filtering
does not take out all of the bad and make it 100% pure as we thought it was. As
it goes back into the environment the insect absorb some others go directly into
the water and plant life. This then moves all through the life cycle, Bug eats
plant, fish eats bug, bird eats fish, animal eats bird or fish or insect, animal
dies and other creatures eat it and the earth takes that which is left over and
the cycle starts all over again. The fish and other creatures that eat the
effected contaminated creature are then in turn affected and its offspring is
then affected and the issue then balloons. This then causes changes in time and
it has not been a slow change, this has started by us in the past 70 years if
not sooner. Here is something to wonder about to those of you who are parents
and I have said this for many years. How many of you as parents were raised out
of the womb on milk? I know I was and so were my mom and all of her family. They
did not have these fancy infant soy or other imitation products to feed newborns
and young children. Not many were allergic to milk or diary. But how many
newborns now days have intolerance to milk even the mother’s breast milk? Many
if you really look. Why is this? I say is because of all the shit we have put
into our bodies with the food and breathing. The food we eat or raise a lot of
it is not organic. It has chemicals pumped into it to make it bigger, and
better. All the chemicals that are in canned foods is gross when you get down to
it, and in time, these have caused issues, maybe not noticeable issues, or
changes to us, but they are there and they are passed down to our children who
pass them onto their children and the cycle continues. So with the fish and
frogs changing gender why is it so hard to accept that maybe Mother Nature is
saying that the typical Male/Female role is no longer needed and we have been
all part of that cause and effect. There are other creatures like the “Lesbian
Gulls” on Santa Barbara Island were the females nest with other females which
was un-heard of in the past as well as the male gulls lacking gonads lessoning
the effectiveness of their reproductive organs. Alligators of Apopka which is
There
are other far more dangerous risks that chemicals have caused to our environment
and that is cancer. The creatures that have been studied also have shown cancer
in their bodies. So what does this mean to us as homo-sapiens? I believe it
means that we need to accept our ever changing environment and do something
about it. What does it mean being someone who is transsexual? It means that this
is in fact a BIOLOGICAL ISSUE and not some made up mental disorder that those of
us who are GLBT did not chose this way of life. We were born this way just like
someone is born hermaphrodite, or with Down syndrome or cerebral palsy or any
other medical issue that we as humans are susceptible to. Why do we not get the
treatment of any other known medical issue that insurance companies care for. Is
it right that those of us who live with this biological misfire are treated
worse than lepers? Is it fair that we are not granted the medical treatment that
we need to survive? Would our society rather have us not exist and then they can
care for all of those we leave behind because we were born with an issue that we
cannot deal with? Is it fair that people who are not legally here get free
medical treatment and care while many of us struggle with living let alone be
able to afford the medical care we need? No it is not. It is time we do what we
can to educate this country and many other “Christian” countries of the true
facts. The studies that science has been doing, proves that we do not chose this
way in life, Science proves that the world we live in is ever changing like it
or not, If humankind wants to be around in a million years we need to face
reality and accept what nature has in store for us be it a race of beings that
has both genders and is a loving, caring, nurturing race. In a way we may end up
like the Morlocks and Eloi from H. G. Well’s “The Time Machine” One race
of loving caring beings and the other a monstrous, evil horrible being. In many
respects we as humans are already there. Only Mother Nature and God fully know
where we are headed, but until then we need to educate the world about the
situation that we in the GLBT community are in and in what humankind in general
is in for. Until then, the key is communication in all forms. Spread the word.
LINKS
http://www.sciencenews.org/pages/sn_edpik/ls_7.htm
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1200/is_n2_v145/ai_14809326
http://extoxnet.orst.edu/tics/env-horm.txt
http://www.ejnet.org/rachel/rehw446.htm
Or
search Google for
emasculating wildlife or endocrines disruptors
Books:
Our Stolen Future: How We are Threatening our Fertility, Intelligence and
Survival - A Scientific Detective Story
by Theo Colborn, Dianne Dumanoski, John Peter Meyers
Acceptance
May 7th, 2006
Acceptance...
I may be wrong, but I think this is what the majority of those in the TG and
even the GLBT community would like most, next to just being ourselves and who we
know ourselves to be. I know this is the one big thing I feel I need from my
family. 99% of my friends accept me and I would say that 99% of my co-workers
accept me for who I am, and what I need to do to be myself. Society pushes or
tells us to accept people for their beliefs, for their race, their religion and
in most cases their sex and sexual orientation, (that last one is pretty iffy)
But society does not accept us for what we believe are gender to be. As gender
these days is defined more about what we have, or don't have between our legs
and not who we are mentally. I know that my family loves me but they cannot deal
with the fact that I am transsexual. Their whole thing is that they cannot
believe that I am this way. They feel I never showed them any signs of being
feminine or even remotely transsexual. They all believe this to be some kind of
act or passing fad. A passing fad? Who in their right mind would go through
losing their spouse, their kids, their siblings, their friends, their other relatives,
their place of employment, their financial security, all to have penis made into
the right genitals or vise versa, not to mention all the other pain of hair
removal, hormones, cosmetic surgery, just to live even a year or 5 or 10 to see
what it is like to live life on the other side of the tracks. As a transsexual I
will never fully live on the other side of the tracks, but I can do my best to
try and live as close to the other side as humanely possible. I hear "Oh
you must be putting on an act because your therapist said you were a good actor,
"Hell, you should win an Academy Award for this performance"! Hell, I
wish I was that good of an actor to be making movies and win an Academy Award, I'd
even settle for a Golden Globe or Peoples Choice Award for this performance. I
feel, and I may be wrong, that our family who cannot accept us for who we really
are, are just denying themselves of the inner truth, or even the fact that they
feel that maybe THEY were the ones that brought upon us this "curse"
(I use the term curse as that's just a phrase that family may feel as to what we
are going through) of feeling that we are a different gender than they raised us
to be. They also don't want to accept the belief that MAYBE, just maybe they saw
something in our youth and did not recognize it for what it was. Do some of them
feel that what we are going through, could possibly have passed through their
minds and it scares them? Maybe they are also in denial with their our sexual
orientation or gender identity. Is it maybe that they think that now, that we
like the same gender and want to be with them in a sexual relationship or that
we are the opposite gender that "God Forbid" we are now attracted to
them? I know I heard this exact statement from a relative from his own brother.
His own brother feared that his sibling would now want to sleep with him... That
is just down right Sick and gross in my opinion, but its reality. Men for many
years, have been the one's eyeing, ogling, cat calling on women, and it now
invades their masculinity that someone may be doing that to them who is the same
gender or someone who used to be the same gender as them.
A lot of non-acceptance has to do with the "Christian" religion as a whole. Many
cultures in the past, and even today fully believe in the "Twin
Spirit" as we are sometimes referred to. In some of those cultures we, who
are "Twin Spirited" are or were touched by the god's themselves and
revered and even worshipped in many societies. The modern "Christian"
religion pushes the belief that it is wrong to be GLBT even though the bible
says nothing about it. Jesus and God tell us to accept everyone who believes in
him no matter what his sins. Jesus welcomed everyone no matter WHO they were or
what their affliction was to join him. All he asked was that you believe in God.
My own religious sister hung up on me when I told her this... GASP! As you may
know I have a spiritual belief, I pray hard every single night that I go to bed
that my family will accept me. I have gone 99.99% of the way to give everyone of
them the tools that they need to cope and accept me and others like me. But do
they want the tools? No. Why, is still a mystery to me, and until they reach out
the other .01% I never will. My sister is a good example of this. She has gay
and lesbian friends and accepts them and their lifestyle choice, but she cannot
accept me. I find this really funny coming from my sister who almost eats,
sleeps and lives her religion.
Its easy for us to accept that our environment is changing around us and
doing things to our world that we only thought could happen in science fiction,
but we cannot accept the fact that WE are the cause of that changing environment
and it is affecting us as the human race just like it is affecting every living,
breathing thing on this planet we call home. So until the world can learn
to accept us, its going to be a lot harder for our families, friends and
co-workers to accept us. But all of us can do everything we can do to build up
our army and change the world and help them learn to be accepting of who we are
and who we need to be... Our honest, true, selves.
Pronunciation: ik-'sep-t&n(t)s, ak-
Function: noun
1 : an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so
that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound
2 : the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable
3 : the act of accepting : the fact of being accepted : APPROVAL
4 a : the act of accepting a time draft or bill of exchange for payment when due
according to the specified terms b : an accepted draft or bill of exchange
Changes
April 29, 2006
Changes... everyone fears them or hates them for the most part. Why? because change leads to the great un-known, the dark frontier, unfamiliar territory. I can attest that I too fear changes. Changes on the job... that's always a good one. What will the new policy mean? Will they be tougher? Will it cause me to lose my job if I screw up to much? Will they cut my vacation or other benefits? A new boss or department head... Will he/she be a jerk, will he/she not like me, will he/she make the job miserable? A new company... Will they cut my pay? Will they cut my benefits? Will they scale back on the number of people and lose my job? A new baby in the family mix... Will I be a good parent? Will I hurt them if I don't treat it like a super fragile piece of antique glass? Will I be able to clean a messy diaper? All of these are common changes and there are always hundreds more that I can list. For those of us in the transsexual community we make huge changes on ourselves, our families, our friends and on our jobs. The personal changes we usually welcome with open arms and sometimes those changes just don't come fast enough. A lot of that "not fast enough" attitude is because we have bottled up our real feelings and emotions for many, many years. Now that we are planning our new lives or preceding on with them, we want to be accepted for who we really are into society, and how we want to be perceived. We want our families to just accept us as if nothing has ever happened and that we were this way all of our lives and that they should know it. We start therapy and expect to be able to start hormones right away... we feel we are ready and sometimes we are, other times we are not. We want to get our letters for GRS and have our surgeries. All of these take time and our emotions change almost over night it seems. I can fully say I was/am this way. I went to my therapist and after three months I started asking almost every visit about getting my letter for hormones. Every time I did, my therapist set a new goal for me to reach before she would give me my hormone letter. I'd go back the next visit and I would say I jumped through that hoop and tell her all about it. She would then say... "So what do you feel is next"? and I would reply... "Start hormones"! to only to have her say... no not yet I want you to do this. So I would do it and keep asking until I finally got my letter. By that time, I had found out I could get them off of the net and what typical doses to use but I keep wanting that official letter. I felt awesome once I finally got the letter, I wanted so bad. My therapist only had my best interests in mind by doing all of these things. I had to really prove that I was transsexual and what I was willing to do to prove it. The next changes I personally expected, and still do, is family acceptance. Some families can do it over night, and many others cannot, mine cannot. Oh I do have some cousins that accept and support me from hearing it day one, and this is awesome and it makes some of the emotional changes that we go through easier. My family is not one, for any kind of change and this is probably the hardest one for them to deal with in all the many that each one of them has had in their lives. Many in my family think I am making my changes to fast. They feel I should not be as far as I am in my transition, and to many of my friends in the TG community, I am moving a mach speeds compared to them. To me I'm moving slow. I had initially wanted to have surgery by the time I was 43. Now I will be luck to have it when I'm 44. To me that is a life time away and to others I know would disagree. So with my family I am slowing down on hoping for their acceptance. I can only hope that someday it will come. As I have tried to give them every tool that they need to accept me, its that great fear of the unknown that is keeping them at bay. I guess when the time is right.. IF its right, they will accept me at their own pace. And while they are not on the same page as myself, or others, going through the changes that we are forcing upon the families, we must sit back and endure the good, the bad and the indifferent changes that we are putting upon everything around us. For even we, fear change and we, must accept what ever change life brings us, even if it hurts so bad that we want to give up. We must plow ahead, we must carry on, we must preserve , WE must triumph in our battles to change everything that is a part of our lives no matter how small or how large they may seem to us, or to our world around us and take those changes all in stride as they come and go, be they good, or bad or maybe not at all!
Pro-nouns
April 26, 2006
Its hard for those around us to use the proper pronouns. I have even had this problem myself with my TG girlfriends. I always catch myself though just as I start to say it or as I say it and correct myself. It's really hard for those who have known us for a time weather it be 6 months, or 40 years. Some people I know have never slipped when they talk to me and others just cannot get it through their heads even if I correct them and they slip again 5 minutes latter. To those of us that are transgendered t can be frustrating... even maddening when we are out in public and someone we know uses the incorrect pro-noun. We general fear that we have just been outed and we may have. One of my friends did this to me in a grocery store deli one night. I corrected her when the guy turned his back do his job. She felt bad for this for a while. But then she did it again a few hours latter. This time I just cringed to myself. The funny thing was the guy she said it to didn't notice anything wrong until she caught herself and scolded herself for her mistake. The guy thought he was missing an inside joke. She did this a couple times at work and then decided that the only way to correct her pro-noun issue was to think of me as female which is what I felt she should have been doing all along. She was calling me Del instead of Delaney and this finally did the trick for her. Another person at work did the same thing after just a few days and I never corrected her. I noticed another lady today was calling me Laney... which I thought was a cool nickname instead of Del. This is how she thinks of me as female all the time now. So were am I headed with this? Well I guess my point is we shouldn't get angry when people who have known us for years have a hard tie using the right pro-nouns with us. We are selves can have that very same issue. However it feels huge when someone we don't know calls us Miss/Mr. She/He, Her/Him Ma'am/Sir. Then of course there are the natural ones now days.. Guys (Hey are you guys going out tonight?), Dude (Dude... check it out... Randy from Idol does this all the time), Man (Hey man... what's up with that?). So just remember if you do use the proper pronouns you boost our emotions way up. Use the wrong pro-nouns and you have hurt our feelings and possibly discriminated against us.
Embarrassment
April 24, 2006
I have
really started thinking a lot about this topic as of late. I do not feel embarrassed
when I go out in public. I hold my head proud and walk on. I try to watch
to see if I am being read and for the most part as far as I can tell I am not.
But then again I'm to the point of not caring what others think. My friends I
have I think feel the same way. We go out and eat for lunch or supper, go to
movies, go dancing. Never do they make a deal out of being seen with me as they
don't care. They enjoy my company and I enjoy theirs. With the exception of my
boss who one time made the comment that two young high school girls were looking
at us and chuckling. I said So what. Later after leaving were we were at, I
thought I should have gone up to them and asked them what was so funny/ Was it
seeing a tall skinny nerdy guy with two women? Or that one of them looked funny/
I didn't but thought it would have been fun to confront them and make them embarrassed,
not a nice thing to do but laughing at people isn't nice either. I found out
that my family on the other hand is the 180 degree direct opposite. I finally
got my mom to go to a therapist session with me. He was new and she had nothing
to hold against him like she does my main therapist. They all wanted a 2nd opinion...
so I got one. It was the same as therapist number uno. While we were sitting
there a young lady and who I think was her father came into the office. As soon
as the young lad sat down she started to chuckle. was it about me/ Maybe...
maybe not. I don't know. I ignored her. My mom on the other hand felt so
uncomfortable about her chuckling she had to comment to me latter about how the
girl was laughing at me. Was she laughing at me? I don't know... I don't care.
Latter on my mom and I were having one of our weekly conflicts over me being transgendered,
I don't exactly remember what words she said word for word but it basically was
her saying that she did not feel comfortable around me in public or around
people she knew or I knew that she knew or any combo of that sorts. I was taught
along time ago in work and in parenting classes that a child cannot be made to embarrass
us. they could only embarrass themselves. I cannot seem to make them understand
that. If anyone should worry about what others think... it should be those of us
going through what we are going through. I just wish families or friends could
understand that, but they don't or don't want to. until then we have to just
hope that someday they will figure it all out.
Courage
April 14th, 2006
I have
been told by so many of my peers at work that I have a huge amount of courage but I
don’t see it as courage, I see it as survival, but isn’t that what others see as
courage? I know many soldiers who have shown courage in the face of death. While
I am not a war monger, for a soldier to give up his life so his friends can live,
that is courage. A fireman, who runs into a fully blazing fire, with the roof
falling in, just to save someone inside… that is courage. A person who knows
that they are dieing and is suffering in pain yet smiles to those they love and
lets on that they are not scared… that is courage. My boss went to a team
leader and building meeting last week in
Courage:
1 The heart; spirit;
temper; disposition.
2 Heart; inclination; desire; will..
3
That quality of mind which enables one to encounter danger and difficulties with
firmness, or without fear, or faint of heart; valor; boldness; resolution.
Thoughts to come: Environmental changes, Femaleness: What does it mean to me
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